Sherman At The Sausage Factory
Natural Aspiration 07: Sherman McCoy and Jack Baruth Discuss Same Sausages of the Same Length
The genesis of the “same sausages of different lengths” epithet levied against the product planners and stylists working at the various German carmakers is apocryphal, but if I had to guess, I’d wager that it originated with Georg Kacher, the best-resourced journalist covering the automotive landscape. His reportage covers both the industry itself and the latest cars on the continent. His English copy is far better than that of most native speakers, and I have enjoyed his work since I was a child.
Another writer whose work I have enjoyed for over a decade is Jack Baruth, who has become a friend of mine over time. We found ourselves in conversation in March of 2019 on a secluded porch overlooking the driveway of the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island; I was idly puffing on a cigar, and Jack was tolerating my indulgence. We were both in attendance for what is now called “The Amelia” by Hagerty, the specialty insurer that recently purchased the event. Jack had been paid to attend by said insurer, and I had paid handsomely for the privilege of attendance.
The event’s top tier automotive sponsor is Mercedes Benz, and the Stuttgart concern’s products consequently dominated the new-car displays and marketing activations orbiting around the main event - Sunday morning’s Concours d’Elegance. Parked in front of us was a carefully arranged - nay, staged - selection of MB USA’s highlighted offerings; in particular, we saw:
Mercedes-AMG E63
Mercedes-AMG CLS63
Mercedes-AMG GT 4-Door Coupe
Presented visually (in the same order):
As we go in order, these three closely related cars become more expensive and offer lower, sexier, and less practical rooflines.
I was curious why Mercedes Benz offered such similar cars and - furthermore - why Mercedes Benz wished to highlight this apparent distinction without (much) difference. In March of 2018 - an entire year before Jack and I observed the intentionally curated selection of Benzes ahead of us - automotive industry luminary Steven Ewing learned that the CLS variant was not long for this world while attending the Geneva International Motor Show (RIP).
The flippant, glib reaction is that Mercedes offered three sausages of the same length with the same powertrain housed in a slightly different casing because it was more profitable from them to do so than not to do so; the natural follow-up question is why that’s the case.
Jack had a few ideas, and my buddy “Deep Throat” offered a few, as well.
Baruth reasoned that the menu of options was crafted to appeal to different self-images:
The E-Class for “practical” people who were slightly less flashy than buyers for the other two
The CLS for aesthetes whose children - if they had any - had already left the coop or would never become tall enough to trouble the rear headliner
The AMG GT 4-Door for “sporty” customers who entered the dealer planning to purchase the Porsche 911-competing AMG GT coupe but were persuaded otherwise by bad knees and / or harridan wives
Digression: The AMG GT coupe is nothing other than a modern Porsche 928, which also competed with the 911 in an intramural sense; the AMG GT looks like a 928, hails from Stuttgart, has a big V-8 under its comically long hood, etc.
Deep Throat thinks Germany’s archaic labor laws are at play: There are significant penalties for idling or lowering plant volume, so the sausage makers are willing to iterate a bit at the margin to see if something becomes popular and establishes yet another market segment (into which the other German OEMs will also jump). Recall also BMW’s confusing matrix of sedans, coupes, and “Gran Coupe” sedans with the nomenclature of the actual coupes.
Jack and I had dinner together at the Ritz that night; had there been sausage on the menu, I would have ordered it.